February is, financially, a solid month for the movies. There’s almost always a romantic movie coming out just before Valentine’s Day and hey wouldn’t you know it, Fifty Shades of Grey is coming out on February 13th! Well this Valentine’s Day I don’t believe I’ll be seeing any film with the words ‘Fifty,’ ‘Shades’ or ‘Grey’ in the title. I left ‘of’ out because I most certainly will be seeing The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge out of Water. The rest of the releases this month seem to be all over the map and some are looking pretty decent.
Jupiter Ascending – To kick things off we have the first of three movies that had the release date pushed back several months and first of two to feature a Game of Thrones actor. This is another crazy sci-fi film from the Wachowskis, the siblings that brought us the Matrix trilogy, Speed Racer and Cloud Atlas. Say what you will about their films, they got some interesting stuff out there. In this, Mila Kunis plays a woman down on her luck working a dead end job who finds that there is something special about her when an alien soldier, ChanningTatum, protects her after she is targeted for assassination by the Queen of the Universe. Sean "always dies in movies" Bean also stars.
Seventh Son – This is the 2nd film pushed back and to feature a GoT actor. This one stars Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore and I know Kit "Jon Snow" Harrington is in it, but he’s nowhere in the trailer. Like Jupiter Ascending, the film was pushed back for more time with the ‘post production’ which generally means the special effects look lousy and producers need more money and time to fix that! In this film Jeff Bridges plays an aging wizard whose job is to protect his country from as many evil beings that they can fit into the story. He meets and trains a young farmer and together they fight the evil Julianne Moore. Well she’s not evil, she just plays a witch, but with her in the picture, it’s also a little Big Lebowski reunion so that’s something!
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water – When Burger-Beard, Antonio Banderas, gets his hands on a recipe from The Krusty Krab things turn bad for Bikini Bottom and SpongeBob and crew must venture onto land to save their beloved town. Now, in the series and in the first movie they made it clear that SpongeBob needs sea water to live, so I’m curious if they have some sort of creative work around for them surviving above water. Seriously, this is what’s going through my mind right now. I’m a pretty big SpongeBob fan. I could say it was because by little brother likes it, but he almost 21 so that’s no excuse.
Kingsman: The Secret Service – The third film to get pushed back and no relation to the American Secret Service that protects the President. From the directing and writing team of Kick Ass (can I say that?) comes another comic book adaptation. This one stars Colin Firth, who I’ve never seen in anything besides Love Actually, as a spy training a troubled youth while he navigates a spy academy. It all sounds comic-booky but this director can bring some serious tone to a movie that brings it a few notches above typical comic entertainment. Plus it’s rated R, so that’s something a little different.
Fifty Shades of Grey – Reading the synopsis, I realized I knew absolutely nothing about the story. This is how it reads: Literature student Anastasia Steele’s life changes forever when she meets handsome, yet tormented, billionaire Christian Grey. What is it about handsome billionaires being tortured? Become a superhero dude, then you’d be interesting at least. So the most PG way to put it is a young woman gets entangled in a rich guy’s controlling world. There. You already know the deal with this book right? If not, ask the nearest person and prepare for an awkward conversation.
What We Do in the Shadows – Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords is one of the writers, directors and stars in this film about a group of buddies who have the typical difficulties like paying rent and arguing with roommates. Only difference is these guys are hundreds of year old vampires so they have added difficulties like trying to keep up with the look and discreetly drink human blood. Vampire comedies pop up just as much as any other farce but if it’s with the same dry tone of Flight of the Conchords then this could be hilarious.
Hot Tub Time Machine 2 – Yup. It’s a thing. Same group as the first, sans Cusack but in his place we have Adam Scott and I doubt anyone will complain about that. This time around Lou, played by Rob Corddry, who stayed in the past and used his knowledge of the future to get rich, gets shot and the guys have to travel through time and save the day. In the process I have to imagine they mess up a few timelines and ridiculousness occurs.
The DUFF – Those letters stand for Designates Ugly Fat Friend. The phrase is a form of bullying and I thought people were against that sort of thing so their kids never get bullied and never learn to stand up for themselves. Okay, time to get off my soapbox. This stars Mae Whitman, one of the many great actors from Arrested Development, where she played another character who was made fun of for her appearance. She is very funny. Hopefully this movie rises above typical teen comedy.
McFarkand, USA – Kevin Costner plays Kevin Costner again in what will be his 7th sports related movie. His early ones were either slightly edgy or just plain wonderful (That scene in Field of Dreams when he finally gets to play catch with his dad gets me every time, I guess that’s a spoiler but you should have seen that by now). This one is a about him as a cross country coach of a small town defying all odds and blah blah blah. That might sound rude.
Focus – Will Smith and future Suicide Squad (it’s kind of the super villain avengers, look it up, people will be talking about this soon) co-star Margot Robbie play grifters - which is a fancy term for scam artist, but sounds dirtier somehow, and spell my check is not familiar with it. The older scam artist takes the younger one under his wing and things get complicated when they get romantic. Nothing new here plot wise but an R rated Will Smith movie is a rarity, plus if this performs well then I’m thinking we’re guaranteed a Bad Boys 3- and that’s all I want.
Map to the Stars – A Cronenberg film about the lives of a Hollywood family. This guy made The Fly, A History of Violence and Eastern Promises none of which are light fare. I might say a lot of his movies feel very anti-Hollywood so this being about a family in Hollywood should prove to be interesting. This one stars Julianne Moore, John Cusack and Robert Pattinson, who Cronenberg sees something in. They made a movie the year before.
’71 – During the 1971 Belfast riots, a young British soldier gets left behind by his unit and has to fend for himself in the streets. This sounds like a cool movie but at the same time probably realistic and brutal. From what I’ve read, I feel I might enjoy this but it’s probably not for the faint of heart.
Everly – This is the movie I am most excited for. Salma Hayek plays a mob boss’s ex-wife who faces waves of assassins sent by her ex. She is cornered in her apartment but she is ready for all comers because she is locked and loaded. The trailer promises lots of action and entertainment, which is all I really want from a movie.
