March Movies

March Movies

I’m not sure how to categorize March, there are no Marvel releases, so the film industry does not consider it summer yet, but there is definitely a movie or two coming out that is expected to get back some money.

 

March 6

 

Chappie – In the future, we’ll all have robots and soon after, they’ll start making decisions of their own. I’ve accepted this and you should too. This is the story of Chappie, the first free thinking robot who has the mind of a child and somehow winds up hanging with a bunch of gangsters. From the writer/director of District 9 and Elysium comes another film about a lesser beings (none of his leads are fully human) fighting an oppressive government. This guy likes his visuals and his complex action sequences, so hopefully he’s 3 for 3.

 

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel – I saw the first one on a plane, I think it was the perfect plane movie. It was about a delightful group of old British people spending time at a delightfully run down hotel in India. The hotel was run by a delightfully inexperienced young kid. This looks to be more of the same, but they threw in Richard Gere to mix things up. Not sure if he has that swagger that made him a thing in the late 80’s but I can assume this movie will be delightful.

 

Unfinished Business – After the domestic box office failure that was The Internship (I didn’t mind it), Vince Vaughn has returned to R-Rated territory where he belongs. In this film, him and Dave (little James) Franco and Tom Wilkinson (who was in the first Exotic Marigold Hotel and Grand Budapest Hotel and I bet he’s in a hotel in this) travel to Europe to close a deal for their small business. Something tells me the plot takes a backseat to the ridiculous hijinks that probably ensues once this group gets drunk.

 

Merchants of Doubt – The Oscar nominated director of Food Inc, which tackled the subject of the corporate owned food industry now has a new target. This time he focuses on those who present themselves as experts on certain hot button issues and are then hired by corporations to speak on topics like climate change, pharmaceuticals toxic chemicals, etc. I’m sure that the most recent hot topic of vaccinations come up, so if you want to ruin your next dinner party with a politically charged debate, see this.

 

March 13

 

Cinderella – I feel like I just heard about this film a week ago. I thought a live action remaking of a Disney film would be a bigger deal, but I guess we’ve been over saturated with this stuff as of late. The Wizard of Oz prequel (a.k.a James Franco in a hat) was a mess and Alice in Wonderland (a.k.a Johnny Depp in a hat) wasn’t anything to write home about. Don’t let me undersell something I know nothing about. Kenneth Branagh is the director of the classic tale, which means it will look good. The actor who played Robb Stark on Game of Thrones plays Prince Charming, which means he will make foolish decisions damning his whole family to a horrifying life of double crosses. That is unless they stick with the previously written source material. Is it too obvious that I remember very little about Cinderella? This was the one with the evil step family right?

 

Run All Night – This is more my speed. In his later years, Liam Neeson has become the everyman action hero, who has a few surprises up his sleeve. When he saves his son from a killer, he goes to tell that killers father, an old associate, what he has done. The old associate, played by Ed Harris, responds by sending an army of gunmen after the once distant, father and son duo. On top of this, the police are, of course, also after them and the trailer, and title for that matter, leads one to believe that all of this takes place over one wild night.

 

March 20

 

Insurgent – Yes it’s another film based on another young adult novel. The first film is not bad and if the second does a decent job continuing the story the first set up then I for one am looking forward to it. There are similarities to Hunger Games like the young female lead, overpowering government, small roles played by famous people, social hierarchy, but it’s different enough to entertain and there is plenty of action.

 

The Gunman – Since Liam Neeson was busy making Run All Night, we now have Sean Penn as the gun toting good guy in a film from the director of the original Taken. I have no doubt Sean Penn can carry an action film (he never has before), but to help him out he also has Javier Bardem, Idris Elba and Ray Winstone. All of these guys are awesome, serious actors who can turn an ordinary film into something better by just standing there. I think there’s enough going on here to make a cool movie.

 

March 27

 

Get Hard – If you’ve watched T.V. recently, you’ve probably seen Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart hanging out - this is why. They both star in this film about Ferrell as a millionaire being sent to prison for fraud and get help from Hart on how to prepare him for what prison has in store for him. So far there have been three types of prison films: the over the top action packed ones, the academy award nominated darker ones, and the funny yet awkward ones. This one probably falls under that third category.

 

Serena – When I see names like Bradley Copper and Jennifer Lawrence, I get intrigued because those are both pretty huge names right now and then I read the plot and I began to get sleepy from boredom. Bradley Cooper owns a timber business in Depression-era North Carolina and things get complicated when he marries Jennifer Lawrence. Anything depression era immediately leads one to assume this could be a sad movie and judging by early reviews, it certainly is.

 

Home – Jim Parsons voices an alien named Oh who is kicked off his home planet for continually messing things up and finds himself on Earth and befriends Rihanna. Well it’s a character voiced by Rihanna, but I think it would be more interesting if it were Rihanna. The movie is based on a kids story called “The True Meaning of Smekday” and Steve Martin voices someone named Captain Smek, so that’s good because when was the last time you heard his name?

February Movies

February is, financially, a solid month for the movies. There’s almost always a romantic movie coming out just before Valentine’s Day and hey wouldn’t you know it, Fifty Shades of Grey is coming out on February 13th! Well this Valentine’s Day I don’t believe I’ll be seeing any film with the words ‘Fifty,’ ‘Shades’ or ‘Grey’ in the title. I left ‘of’ out because I most certainly will be seeing The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge out of Water. The rest of the releases this month seem to be all over the map and some are looking pretty decent.

Jupiter Ascending – To kick things off we have the first of three movies that had the release date pushed back several months and first of two to feature a Game of Thrones actor. This is another crazy sci-fi film from the Wachowskis, the siblings that brought us the Matrix trilogy, Speed Racer and Cloud Atlas. Say what you will about their films, they got some interesting stuff out there. In this, Mila Kunis plays a woman down on her luck working a dead end job who finds that there is something special about her when an alien soldier, ChanningTatum, protects her after she is targeted for assassination by the Queen of the Universe. Sean "always dies in movies" Bean also stars.

Seventh Son – This is the 2nd film pushed back and to feature a GoT actor. This one stars Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore and I know Kit "Jon Snow" Harrington is in it, but he’s nowhere in the trailer. Like Jupiter Ascending, the film was pushed back for more time with the ‘post production’ which generally means the special effects look lousy and producers need more money and time to fix that! In this film Jeff Bridges plays an aging wizard whose job is to protect his country from as many evil beings that they can fit into the story. He meets and trains a young farmer and together they fight the evil Julianne Moore. Well she’s not evil, she just plays a witch, but with her in the picture, it’s also a little Big Lebowski reunion so that’s something!

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water – When Burger-Beard, Antonio Banderas, gets his hands on a recipe from The Krusty Krab things turn bad for Bikini Bottom and SpongeBob and crew must venture onto land to save their beloved town. Now, in the series and in the first movie they made it clear that SpongeBob needs sea water to live, so I’m curious if they have some sort of creative work around for them surviving above water. Seriously, this is what’s going through my mind right now. I’m a pretty big SpongeBob fan. I could say it was because by little brother likes it, but he almost 21 so that’s no excuse.

Kingsman: The Secret Service – The third film to get pushed back and no relation to the American Secret Service that protects the President. From the directing and writing team of Kick Ass (can I say that?) comes another comic book adaptation. This one stars Colin Firth, who I’ve never seen in anything besides Love Actually, as a spy training a troubled youth while he navigates a spy academy. It all sounds comic-booky but this director can bring some serious tone to a movie that brings it a few notches above typical comic entertainment. Plus it’s rated R, so that’s something a little different.

Fifty Shades of Grey – Reading the synopsis, I realized I knew absolutely nothing about the story. This is how it reads: Literature student Anastasia Steele’s life changes forever when she meets handsome, yet tormented, billionaire Christian Grey. What is it about handsome billionaires being tortured? Become a superhero dude, then you’d be interesting at least. So the most PG way to put it is a young woman gets entangled in a rich guy’s controlling world. There. You already know the deal with this book right? If not, ask the nearest person and prepare for an awkward conversation.
 
What We Do in the Shadows – Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords is one of the writers, directors and stars in this film about a group of buddies who have the typical difficulties like paying rent and arguing with roommates. Only difference is these guys are hundreds of year old vampires so they have added difficulties like trying to keep up with the look and discreetly drink human blood. Vampire comedies pop up just as much as any other farce but if it’s with the same dry tone of Flight of the Conchords then this could be hilarious.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 – Yup. It’s a thing. Same group as the first, sans Cusack but in his place we have Adam Scott and I doubt anyone will complain about that. This time around Lou, played by Rob Corddry, who stayed in the past and used his knowledge of the future to get rich, gets shot and the guys have to travel through time and save the day. In the process I have to imagine they mess up a few timelines and ridiculousness occurs.

The DUFF – Those letters stand for Designates Ugly Fat Friend. The phrase is a form of bullying and I thought people were against that sort of thing so their kids never get bullied and never learn to stand up for themselves. Okay, time to get off my soapbox. This stars Mae Whitman, one of the many great actors from Arrested Development, where she played another character who was made fun of for her appearance. She is very funny. Hopefully this movie rises above typical teen comedy.

McFarkand, USA – Kevin Costner plays Kevin Costner again in what will be his 7th sports related movie. His early ones were either slightly edgy or just plain wonderful (That scene in Field of Dreams when he finally gets to play catch with his dad gets me every time, I guess that’s a spoiler but you should have seen that by now). This one is a about him as a cross country coach of a small town defying all odds and blah blah blah. That might sound rude.

Focus – Will Smith and future Suicide Squad (it’s kind of the super villain avengers, look it up, people will be talking about this soon) co-star Margot Robbie play grifters - which is a fancy term for scam artist, but sounds dirtier somehow, and spell my check is not familiar with it. The older scam artist takes the younger one under his wing and things get complicated when they get romantic. Nothing new here plot wise but an R rated Will Smith movie is a rarity, plus if this performs well then I’m thinking we’re guaranteed a Bad Boys 3- and that’s all I want.

Map to the Stars – A Cronenberg film about the lives of a Hollywood family. This guy made The Fly, A History of Violence and Eastern Promises none of which are light fare. I might say a lot of his movies feel very anti-Hollywood so this being about a family in Hollywood should prove to be interesting. This one stars Julianne Moore, John Cusack and Robert Pattinson, who Cronenberg sees something in. They made a movie the year before.

’71 – During the 1971 Belfast riots, a young British soldier gets left behind by his unit and has to fend for himself in the streets. This sounds like a cool movie but at the same time probably realistic and brutal. From what I’ve read, I feel I might enjoy this but it’s probably not for the faint of heart.

Everly – This is the movie I am most excited for. Salma Hayek plays a mob boss’s ex-wife who faces waves of assassins sent by her ex. She is cornered in her apartment but she is ready for all comers because she is locked and loaded. The trailer promises lots of action and entertainment, which is all I really want from a movie.

January movie preview

January is the month where everyone is spent. No money, no time, no energy. Why go see a movie? It’s cold out. Let’s stay in. It’s this mentality that leads the following movies to be released now. They weren’t good enough or family friendly enough to be released between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but they’re still movies so they’ve got to be released some time! And that time is the dreaded January release. You might see a pattern and think ‘do I really want to pay to see this’? Some people do, many don’t. That being said, there’s some decent sounding stuff here.

The Woman in Black: Angel of Death

Kicking off the year rather bleakly is a sequel to that movie about a ghostly woman starring opposite a post Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe. This one is sans Radcliffe as he is off to pursue other projects like the sequel to Now You See Me (if you want to shed the image of you as a little boy wizard, don’t co-star in a movie about magic, just saying). This one has little children who have been evacuated from London during World War II hiding out in a haunted house. As if their lives weren’t hard enough.

A Most Violent Year

Another bleak movie from the director of Margin Call, a star studded tale of our current financial crisis where the rich win and everyone else loses. This is a tale of a young immigrant trying to protect his business and family in 1981 New York City which, apparently, was the city’s most violent year. It’s listed as an "action/ crime/drama/thriller" but something tells me it’ll be mostly drama. This seems like rough stuff, not exciting stuff.

Taken 3

In Taken his daughter gets kidnapped and he must save the day. In Taken 2 he gets kidnapped and his daughter must save the day. Now in Taken 3 they kill his ex-wife, frame him for murder and parents all over America tell their children to watch ‘The Fugitive’ instead. That being said, I will still see this. I’m a fan of seeing Liam Neeson beat people up and this time he’s back in the states being chased by cops and whoever set him up. Should be a silly, fun time.

Blackhat

In 1995 we had Hackers, which will only be remembered for Angelina Jolie. In 2001 we had Swordfish, which will only be remembered for Halle Berry. Now it’s 2015 and we have this film. The common thread you ask? Well they all have to do with recently paroled hackers who are pulled into the hacking game for one reason or another. These are movies that make sitting behind a computer look exciting and flashy. Right now you are behind a computer, do you feel like Chris Hemsworth, Hugh Jackman or Johnny Lee Miller? Yeah me neither, that’s Hollywood for ya...

The Wedding Ringer

If you’re a weird shy guy and somehow you are marrying Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting (Penny from Big Bang Theory), you might want to hire Kevin Hart to liven things up. Josh Gad plays the shy groom who has no best man and finds a company that provides just that very thing to make any wedding fun. It’s a story about putting on a show at a wedding. Things are going to get ridiculous.

Paddington

Remember Paddington Bear? Yeah I hardly remember him either. I think I had a Paddington Bear car seat, or at least my younger brother did. I just remember there being one. Anyway, this is probably like Ted if it was originally made for children. It takes place in London, so like any British movie, it features many recognizable actors. The most recent actors to portray Q, Dumbledore and Dr. Who all appear as this walking talking bear travels London and avoids a taxidermist. Seriously, that’s the plot synopsis.


Escobar: Paradise Lost

A young, super cool surfer, Josh Hutcherson, hanging out in Columbia meets a woman, falls for her and then gets to meet her uncle Pablo, Benecio Del Toro. With the rather generic subtitle of ‘Paradise Lost’,one can assume this doesn’t end with the surfer and Escobar surfing side by side into the sunset. I’m not an expert on all things Pablo Escobar so who knows.

Still Alice

Julianne Moore plays a ‘renowned linguistics professor’ (which I didn’t know was a thing), who ‘starts to forget words’. Normally I can paraphrase the synopsis I read but not this one. I know no other way to say what they’re saying. This looks like a sad movie, it’s got Kristen Stewart in it whose smile is more of a frown than anything.

The Boy Next Door

J-Lo (do people still call her that?) plays a divorced woman who falls for the young man next door, played by the lead actor of the Step Up movies that Channing Tatum was not in. It’s described as a thriller, so I’m sure she gets in trouble and the young man is dangerous and/or obsessive. This is from the director of the first Fast and Furious and Dragonheart. That means nothing to the plot, I just wanted you to know that.

Mortdecai

Johnny Depp plays a mischievous art dealer who is searching for a painting that is linked to Nazi gold. Sounds like, and this hurts to say, a goofier version of National Treasure. Hopefully it’s the fun kind of goofy and not the stupid kind. Johnny Depp hasn’t really had a hit outside of the Pirates movies in a long time…is this the one that breaks the slump?

Black Sea

Jude Law plays a submarine captain, who, under some shady circumstances, is coerced into searching the Black Sea for rumored gold. Now in my experience submarine movies are pretty boring. There’s more room on boats, that’s why there’s plenty of boat movies but submarine movies pretty much rely completely on tension and that can get dull. The director of Top Gun made one, the director of Terminator 3 made one and so did the director of Point Break. No one has really pulled it off, so we shall see how this turns out.

Project Almanac

Some of these movies seem like they were dumped in January, but this movie sounds like it was MADE for January. As it turns out, this too was supposed to be released earlier and got dumped in January. It’s a found footage film, where a group of kids play with a time machine and of course there are consequences. This kind of looks like a lot of fun, I am still not tired of the found footage films. I actually enjoy a lot of them and throwing time travel into the mix is probably just bonkers enough to be a fun time.

The Lazarus Effect

Much like we are still in the era of found footage, it also seems we are still in the era of zombie movies. This one seems a bit different though. It’s from a documentary director, a decent production company, and it features actors we’d all recognize from American Horror Story, House, The League and Community. Whether it will be good or not has yet to be seen, but I’m interested.

Max

Now this movie seems like it was seconds away from being a Hallmark movie of the week or just a straight to DVD feature, but it showed up on a list of movies coming out in January, so I’m writing about it. Max is a dog that helped soldiers in Afghanistan who returned to the states, gets a adopted and probably gets into family friendly trouble. Now it sounds like a tug at the heartstrings kind of movie, but it’s from the writer of a few Van-Damme movies, so I’m very confused.